Essay on Abuse Dynamics and BDSM Aftercare Lacks Concrete Leads

cruelest of design flaws and the worst people understand it and the most compassionate people don't. However, the conclusion is not that some people want abuse. By definition, abuse is something that destroys you, that leaves you feeling violated and harmed in a way you don't want. And part of that mechanism, that involves the desire for the abuse to continue, is that many of us are designed to want more intimacy once intimacy has been initiated with a person. Many of us don't want to be left. And the agony of feeling harmed by being left by someone you never wanted to be there in the first place is confusing and can be debilitating. No one wants to be harmed in this way. Among abuse survivor communities the arousal involved in abuse situations is often called "body betrayal," but this doesn't seem to encompass how deep the desires can be for some people. At the root, the desires are often the same desires that fit into normal healthy intimate relationships. To be loved, to have an ongoing interaction, to be seen and understood at the root of all your emotion, to be taken sexually and feel the pleasure of another enjoying your sexual arousal. But these emotions have been exploited and manipulated for the gain of others. For some number of people who have experienced abuse, the greatest split within the self does not simply come from how horrific the acts themselves were but from the feelings of desire and pleasure that can happen in human beings even during horrific unwanted acts. For some of us, BDSM can be a safe way to explore unpacking some of this desire and how these arousal patterns got mixed up with horrific things -- or were already hooked up to horrific things and that pre-existing fact was exploited by a harmful person. And for some of us, taking that out and playing with it may not be a necessary part of recovery at all. But simply knowing this -- the fact that your arousal and pleasure systems can be activated by harmful people is ok -- it does not mean you want it, it does not mean that it was good for you, or that anyone should have treated you in that way. That can be the greatest healing in and of itself. I want to thank her for allowing me to publish her words. Her description is so far from how I usually discuss or experience S&M; and yet I see connections, too, and people rarely discuss those connections. te OK ok Aftercare: Intimacy Within Positive and Consensual S&M A while back, a study came out that established that a consenting, positive S&M experience increases a couple's intimacy afterwards. I cite that study all the time, but I still find its existence kinda absurd; I mean, they could have just asked us how it felt. On the bright side, if S&M is being studied by Real Researchers, it's a sign that S&M is becoming more widely accepted. Yet for all its hormone level measurements and mood surveys, I didn't feel like the study got anywhere near the heart of S&M and how S&M creates such extraordinary intimacy. Why would it? Studies are science, and aftercare is art. HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018657