Sugar‑baby interview reveals dynamics of paid casual relationships

So far, no one I've talked to seems remotely interested in hiring what they see as a "prostitute." They seem to want to be having sex with someone they find very attractive who is also someone they feel like they can respect, whose intelligence they respect. For example, someone I see occasionally -- the last time I saw him, he gave me money at the end and he said that he felt good about giving me the money because he knew I wouldn't spend it on, quote, "a designer handbag." He seems to think that I am reasonably ambitious and have my shit together, and he seems to feel more comfortable giving me money because he knows it goes towards my grad school costs and credit card debt. My ability to write with proper grammar, without overusing emoticons, appears to be my biggest sales point. Men have told me this outright. That guy also mentioned feeling more comfortable because he thinks I'm from the same social class as he is. There are a lot of class issues coming up in these encounters, I think. Being white and from an upper-middle-class background may help me get clients. My background has also given me a ton of confidence that puts me at an advantage when negotiating. I do not think I radiate "take advantage of me," and I (nicely) tell guys who start doing that to go away. The guy I was just talking about -- he also mentioned that he feels like he doesn't want to have sex with someone that he doesn't feel at least a little bit connected to. There's a distinction between meaningless sex and casual sex. I think these guys want casual sex -- maybe they aren't at the point where they want to deal with having a partner, or they're really busy at work, or they already have another partner -- they want casual sex but not meaningless sex. In my encounters with these men, the money does two things. Firstly, it enables them to have a relationship with me that they wouldn't otherwise be able to have. Secondly, it puts them in this position where they can give me something valuable and have that be appreciated. The guys I see really want to feel appreciated. Clarisse Thorn: Do you feel like this has given you any new insight into gender roles? Olivia: Hmm.... It's made me feel more powerful. I definitely feel like I am the one with the power in this situation. When I show up, I don't feel like -- here is this rich, powerful person who is about to bestow wealth upon me. I feel like -- here is this person who is a bit sad and lonely, and maybe I can make their day better. A lot of the men who are on this site want to feel appreciated, so it's important to them that the woman they're with give off the appearance of appreciating them. So for example, on the website there's a lot of talk about sugar daddies being "mentors" or “benefactors” rather than clients. They seem to want some combination of me asking them about their day, and they also want to feel like they're bestowing knowledge upon me about the world. One of the men I see will always talk about his opinions about money. He has complicated feelings about himself having money because he doesn't come from money, so he's trying to work those out. But he also keeps telling me in a very serious voice that money will not make me happy, that nothing I can buy will make me happy. I tell him that I can buy security and he says yes, that is one thing I can buy. HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018610